one death: tragedy / a million a statistic / incommensurate

[roc_on]

Beila gives Dao space. He is extremely right that she's not the best person to be sad about his dead serial killer friend with and that seems to be his principal occupation, so - space.

Comments

[thinklikethis]

"...The way you work is really different from the way I work but it makes sense when I try to figure it out, it's just hard to wrap my head around sometimes because you're so... I guess 'lucky'? All these problems that I have and you don't, like hating myself and being afraid of myself and, and weird serial killer feelings."

[roc_on]

The ice in Beila's smoothie has melted too much. She refreezes it. "Well, I guess that's something..."

[thinklikethis]

Shrug. Sigh.

[roc_on]

"If somebody'd asked me before I met you, 'hey, there's this guy you could date, he's good company and kinks conveniently and he's cute but you will never get how his brain works,' I would've probably said 'no thanks'."

[thinklikethis]

"Uh," says Dao.

[roc_on]

"Probably shouldn't've said that out loud."

[thinklikethis]

"Well. I guess that depends," he says. "If this is the kind of thing where I need to figure out how to explain how my brain works or you'll break up with me, then it seems like a good idea for me to know that."

[roc_on]

"I mean, I don't want to phrase it as an ultimatum like that, that would be awful, I'm just - wondering if - this is it, this is the level of romantic intimacy the two of us are capable of."

[thinklikethis]

"I have no idea."

[roc_on]

"Me either." Headshake. "I don't want to break up, I really really don't..."

[thinklikethis]

"I don't either. So... let's not do that, I guess?"

[roc_on]

"I'm trying to figure out if I don't want to break up like I don't want to go to the dentist or like I don't want to set my house on fire."

[thinklikethis]

"Oh."

[roc_on]

"...I can think about that not at you, if you prefer."

[thinklikethis]

"I don't know," he sighs.

[roc_on]

Smoothie. Slurp.

[thinklikethis]

"I guess it depends if you think I'll have anything useful to contribute."

[roc_on]

"I'm not sure. Do you think you might...?"

[thinklikethis]

"Kinda hard to tell without trying it."

[roc_on]

"Suppose." Shrug. "Where do you see us going? Where does this end up?"

[thinklikethis]

"I... don't really know?"

[roc_on]

"Where do you want it to end up, then?"

[thinklikethis]

"I don't really know that either. I don't have, like, a big plan for how my life is supposed to go. I don't know where I want to be in ten years, besides out of my dad's house and, like, alive and not a serial killer."

[roc_on]

"Okay, side question, how actually difficult is not being a serial killer for you."

[thinklikethis]

He sighs.

"Not actually that hard. Like... the thing that goes wrong when I think the wrong way about it isn't that I start turning into a serial killer, it's that I start feeling really scared that I might, and those are really different things."