roc_on | no seriously / original bones don't steal / or commit arson

no seriously / original bones don't steal / or commit arson

The news gets worse.

The police nailed down a pattern - the guy found with the missing bones was one thing, but there were other missing persons, alternating genders, late teens to early twenties, all taken from the same part of town. Cops, including cops of the relevant age range, stalk the area, and one of them gives chase to a man who proves to be a firebender. He burns out most of a liquor store, proving it, and the cop loses him trying to meet him on the other side and goes back to help evacuate the units above the store.

There's security footage of the fire and some of the chase, rescued from the liquor store, and the media gets ahold of it.

Chali says this still isn't an Avatar matter. Beila, who has no detective skills anyway, defers to his expertise, meditates, reads her book - turns up to her firebending lesson.

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And then he suddenly cannot move.

"You're not very much like the other ones," says the bloodbender. "I'm not at all sure what to do with you." But he doesn't seem inclined to take suggestions, because he still isn't letting Dao talk. "I really can't let you go, you know. I have no way to trust you. Anything you say could just be a lie to secure your escape."

And now he can talk. "Sure, fine, I can't prove anything, but come on, if I was lying wouldn't I come up with nicer lies? 'Hey so I thought about stabbing you', not exactly the kind of thing people say when they're trying to win somebody over!"

"Maybe you're not a very good liar."

"Okay," he says. "Okay." He wishes he didn't have to do this while hungry and tired and uncomfortable and slightly in need of a bathroom, but he's just going to have to deal. "How about I just talk for a while, and then you tell me if you still think I'm lying."

"I'm listening."

Dao takes a deep breath. He's going to screw this up, he is so absolutely going to screw this up... fuck it, it's not like he has a better idea.

"I've been doing that, the thinking about stabbing people thing, for like as long as I can remember, and it's - I can't remember ever not hating myself over it. And I think. I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I don't have to? That maybe I can just - think the way I think, and not go around stabbing people, and that could be okay? And it's the most terrifying thing in the fucking world. The idea that I could be okay. That I could be allowed. Like I've been sitting here staring at your bone spider all night and the thought of being okay with myself still scares me more."

He discovers that he has begun to cry. He keeps talking anyway.

"It's, I don't - I have a really nice girlfriend and she's super smart and she likes me a ton, and, and she knows some stuff, about how I am, and she kind of seems to think I'm just, that there isn't anything wrong with me and there never was, and sometimes I feel stupid for not just getting over it already, but I don't think, I don't think you can really get it unless you've been there, I," he loses control of his voice for a moment and trails off into sobs.

A hand comes down lightly on his shoulder.

He shivers hard, completely unable to decide whether he's comforted or terrified.

A few seconds later, he pulls himself together enough to keep going, quietly. "And. And. Look. I just think. I just think, I don't know, m-maybe you don't care at all and I'm screwed no matter what I do, but if that's true, if you're okay with yourself, then I wanna know how you did it. And if you're not, then," he sniffles, "then I wanna try to help."

The hand stays where it is for a moment, then withdraws.

A long moment of quiet, in which Dao's occasional sniffles are the only audible sound.

Then a voice. A very quiet voice.

"I don't think you're lying," he murmurs. "But I'm not sure you can help me."

"Is the art project helping you?" he asks, hoarse-voiced and more aggressive than he meant to be.

"...it was supposed to," the bloodbender says quietly.

He tries to make his voice softer, more gentle. "But it's not. Is it."

Silence.

"Then, I mean - I don't," sniffle, "I don't want to be that guy with the stupid obvious question, but why are you still doing it?"

"I don't know."

Still kind of terrified, but oh, that hurt to listen to, it sounded so familiar...

"Want to talk about it?" he offers.

A somewhat longer silence.

He gradually gets control of the lingering sniffles. His throat hurts from crying. He doesn't say anything else.

"...I killed my father," he says, "because I thought it was the only way I could be safe. I thought... that nothing would ever be as hard or as scary as that, and as soon as I did it, I could go out into the rest of the world, and he wouldn't be there to hurt me anymore, and I could - live however people do. I taught myself bloodbending in secret because it was the only way I could think of to protect myself from him. And that part worked fine. He's dead now. But."

A short pause.

"It wasn't as simple as I thought. I don't have my father to be afraid of anymore, but I'm still afraid. Afraid of other people, afraid of doing things wrong, afraid of being noticed. I thought I could just figure out how to live like everyone else, and I mostly managed the practical parts, but... I don't know how to be okay. The only time I ever feel okay is... when I'm killing someone. And then afterward - I wonder if I really needed to do that, or if I just... wanted to make myself feel better." His soft quiet voice gets softer, quieter. "I don't like that. I thought... I thought that if I just did it enough, maybe the feeling would go away, and I could feel okay whenever I wanted, and it wouldn't matter. I thought that maybe, if I made it my whole life, I could feel okay all the time, and never be afraid again."

Dao waits a second to see if more words are coming, and when it doesn't look like it, he says, "I really honestly want to give you a hug right now."

"...why," he whispers.

"Because that sounds awful, and - I think I kind of get it, and, just, here I was thinking I had it bad..."

"I—I still can't let you go," he says, sounding agitated. "You'd tell someone—you would, and they'd find me, and I wouldn't—be safe—everyone would know—"

"Man, forget about letting me go, okay, we've got time to figure that part out, I guarantee you nobody's even noticed I went anywhere yet," he says. "Do you want a hug? Because if you let me out of this chair, I will give you a hug, and I will not try to run away, and even if I did you are a terrifyingly skilled bloodbender and could stop me anyway."

"...okay," he whispers. "Okay."

He unties Dao from the chair without stepping in front of it; only his hands come into view.

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