Dao takes a deep breath. He's going to screw this up, he is so absolutely going to screw this up... fuck it, it's not like he has a better idea.
"I've been doing that, the thinking about stabbing people thing, for like as long as I can remember, and it's - I can't remember ever not hating myself over it. And I think. I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I don't have to? That maybe I can just - think the way I think, and not go around stabbing people, and that could be okay? And it's the most terrifying thing in the fucking world. The idea that I could be okay. That I could be allowed. Like I've been sitting here staring at your bone spider all night and the thought of being okay with myself still scares me more."
He discovers that he has begun to cry. He keeps talking anyway.
"It's, I don't - I have a really nice girlfriend and she's super smart and she likes me a ton, and, and she knows some stuff, about how I am, and she kind of seems to think I'm just, that there isn't anything wrong with me and there never was, and sometimes I feel stupid for not just getting over it already, but I don't think, I don't think you can really get it unless you've been there, I," he loses control of his voice for a moment and trails off into sobs.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-08-08 03:21 pm (UTC)"I've been doing that, the thinking about stabbing people thing, for like as long as I can remember, and it's - I can't remember ever not hating myself over it. And I think. I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I don't have to? That maybe I can just - think the way I think, and not go around stabbing people, and that could be okay? And it's the most terrifying thing in the fucking world. The idea that I could be okay. That I could be allowed. Like I've been sitting here staring at your bone spider all night and the thought of being okay with myself still scares me more."
He discovers that he has begun to cry. He keeps talking anyway.
"It's, I don't - I have a really nice girlfriend and she's super smart and she likes me a ton, and, and she knows some stuff, about how I am, and she kind of seems to think I'm just, that there isn't anything wrong with me and there never was, and sometimes I feel stupid for not just getting over it already, but I don't think, I don't think you can really get it unless you've been there, I," he loses control of his voice for a moment and trails off into sobs.